Mr. Weiner's Christmas
Internet romances are great. Someone who can't get sex from people in town puts out an all-call to the world and voila: some pathetic sod shouts back.
"Hello-llo-lo-o! No one will have sex-ex-ex-x with me here-ere-re-e. Can we bump distant uglies-uglies-glies-ies?"
Foolsoft's founding wiener tapped the Internet and fished up with Australian chick. She was a combination doctor/show-off/slut. You know: could write a dissertation with one hand while fashioning a dildo out of a Foster's can with the other. She came out here to grate and annoy. She was really condescending and I always thought: "Don't be so smug: we have running water." and "At least 1-out-of-6 of our babies don't get snatched from under passed-out mothers and get whisked away by dingos."
That whole adventure was so fruitful that Mr. Wiener, tried to get lightning to strike twice. He culled this chick from Chicago. While we were furiously trying to get code written, he was on IRC. When the phone bills came in, there were hundreds of dollars in long distance calls to Chicago on the Foolsoft line.
It was all hot-and-heavy. Mr. Wiener was in the middle of crippling Foolsoft. That meant there wasn't money to fly his weinerdom out to the windy city. Ms. Chicago had to come out to see Mr. Wiener. Wiener tapped relatives for money to pay for carpet cleaning, groceries and spending money. Mr. Weiner's smug alert went from haze to full hazard (do not expose to kids and the elderly): "Iii've got a girl coming in from Chicaaaaaago. All you've got is a girlfriend here. Ha ha ha. Your girlfriend is ugly. Mine is a baa-ay-aa-AY-be."
Ms. Chicago was coming out for Christmas. What a nice present for Mr. Wiener. His hovel was resplendent with the improvements paid for by others. The day of Ms. Chicago's arrival came. Mr. Wiener drove out to the airport to pick up his latest Internet conquest. Her flight came in, the passengers disembarked and eventually the plane filled with new passengers. No sign of Ms. Chicago. The next flight came and left sans Internet girlfriend. And so did the next one.
Turns out Ms. Chicago spent a month or so yanking his chain with no intention of ever coming out. Merry Christmas Mister Wiener.
"Hello-llo-lo-o! No one will have sex-ex-ex-x with me here-ere-re-e. Can we bump distant uglies-uglies-glies-ies?"
Foolsoft's founding wiener tapped the Internet and fished up with Australian chick. She was a combination doctor/show-off/slut. You know: could write a dissertation with one hand while fashioning a dildo out of a Foster's can with the other. She came out here to grate and annoy. She was really condescending and I always thought: "Don't be so smug: we have running water." and "At least 1-out-of-6 of our babies don't get snatched from under passed-out mothers and get whisked away by dingos."
That whole adventure was so fruitful that Mr. Wiener, tried to get lightning to strike twice. He culled this chick from Chicago. While we were furiously trying to get code written, he was on IRC. When the phone bills came in, there were hundreds of dollars in long distance calls to Chicago on the Foolsoft line.
It was all hot-and-heavy. Mr. Wiener was in the middle of crippling Foolsoft. That meant there wasn't money to fly his weinerdom out to the windy city. Ms. Chicago had to come out to see Mr. Wiener. Wiener tapped relatives for money to pay for carpet cleaning, groceries and spending money. Mr. Weiner's smug alert went from haze to full hazard (do not expose to kids and the elderly): "Iii've got a girl coming in from Chicaaaaaago. All you've got is a girlfriend here. Ha ha ha. Your girlfriend is ugly. Mine is a baa-ay-aa-AY-be."
Ms. Chicago was coming out for Christmas. What a nice present for Mr. Wiener. His hovel was resplendent with the improvements paid for by others. The day of Ms. Chicago's arrival came. Mr. Wiener drove out to the airport to pick up his latest Internet conquest. Her flight came in, the passengers disembarked and eventually the plane filled with new passengers. No sign of Ms. Chicago. The next flight came and left sans Internet girlfriend. And so did the next one.
Turns out Ms. Chicago spent a month or so yanking his chain with no intention of ever coming out. Merry Christmas Mister Wiener.
posted by A. Proud (Foolsoft Employee) at 4:04 PM
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