I'm Sorry, I Can Only Screw Up Your Email

So a techie is so desperate for a job, he'll sleep with a guy. He gets the job. But he's lousy. How does he deal with stuff? Here is a sampler of his talents at work:

-----Original Message-----
From: Lousy-tech, Super
Sent: Monday, March 27, 666 12:52 PM
To: User, Unfortunate
Cc: Collateral, Gary
Subject: RE: Your removal from the Nessus list

Unfortunate,
If you give me the email address of this organization or domain name I
can add them to the white list* and they will be able to make it through.
This form of email is SPAM because it is sent out to many people at one
time and because it is coming from a LISTSERV name. If you send me the
domain I can put it on the white list and it won't have any issues any
more. But without you notifying me of this problem then I am not going
to be able to fix the issue. Anytime that you have a problem with the
Information Systems of the Nessus Art Circle of Hell, you are to notify me and
I will make sure that it is taken care of for you.

As far as how SPAM is filtered here at the musuem, that is something
that I have been given control of as the Information Systems Manager.
At this point the solution that we have is doing a decent job, SPAM is
never something that is easy to concur unless we are willing to pay
extraordinary amounts** for an outside vendor to scan everything before it
gets to us which is something that is definitely not in our budget***. We
have to make due with what we have, if I don't have an email filter then
there are thousands of emails that will come into everyone's email box
not just a few. If there are specific people that you feel are having a
hard time getting into us then please notify me and I'll put them on the
white list so that there is no disruption, but without knowing that it
is happening then I'm not going to be able to do anything about it. As
far as receiving emails from Listservers or newsletters of some sort, we
as a whole need to be careful about what we sign up for because that
generates more SPAM and there is going to be a policy about this in the
near future.

Thanks,


J-Off

-----Original Message-----
From: User, Unfortunate
Sent: Friday, March 24, 666 10:06 AM
To: Lousy-tech, Super
Cc: Collateral, Gary
Subject: FW: Your removal from the Nessus list


Super:

I received this message earlier this week (see below). This is from a
listserv that I have belonged to since the day I started work here at
the Circle of Hell. This is from a reputable company; one I often consult for
reference purposes because it has such high ratings.

This particular listserv sends out information about arts and cultural
events in the greater Nessus area. Our own Circle of Hell is regularly listed.
I had been receiving an issue every other week until February of this
year but, as you can see, recent changes to our e-mail system has
prevented the issues from coming through. In particular, their
statements in the last two paragraphs are extremely interesting to me.

I am concerned about this as I have been trying to commmunicate with
several vendors throughout March and none of them have replied to
repeated requests for price lists, etc. One message sending out login
information for a free trial of another online product was blocked over
three times before I finally got it. I fear that other messages are
being rejected, too.

Meanwhile, I no longer have any messages being routed to my junk mail
folder; software ads, pharmaceutical ads, etc. are now coming directly
to my inbox. This does NOT concern me as junk mail is very easy to
identify and I delete these items immediately. Overall, I would prefer
to retain control of everything than miss out on important messages. Is
it possible to let all messages to my address come through without
manual or automatic filtering?

Please let me know if this can be arranged. I would like to know where
things stand before I ask some of my contacts to try and send things
again.

Thanks,

Unfortunate

-----Original Message-----
From: L-Soft list server at About.com (1.8d)
[mailto:LISTSERV@MCLIST.ABOUT.COM]
Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 666 10:53 PM
To: User, Unfortunate
Subject: Your removal from the Nessus list

Wed, 22 Mar 666 00:43:29

You have been automatically removed from the Nessus list (A
Free Nessus, AZ newsletter from About.com) as a result of repeated
delivery error reports from your mail system. This decision was
based on the automatic error monitoring policy in effect for the
list, and has not been reviewed or otherwise confirmed by a human
being. If you receive this message, it means that something is wrong:
while you are obviously able to receive mail, your mail system has
been regularly reporting that your account did not exist, or that you
were otherwise permanently unable to receive mail. Here is some
information which may assist you or your local help desk in determining
the cause of the problem:

- The failing address is Unfortunate.User@Hell.ORG.
- The first error was reported on 21 Feb 666.
- Since then, a total of 5 delivery errors have been received.
- The last reported error was: Probe failed.

PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE THIS MESSAGE. While you can of course
re-subscribe to the list, it is important for you to report this
problem to your mail administrator so that it can be solved. This
problem is not specific to the Nessus list, and also affects your
private mail. This means that YOU HAVE PROBABLY LOST SOME PRIVATE MAIL
AS WELL. Anyone trying to write to you during the same time frame
will probably have received the same errors for the same reason.
The Nessus list is but one of the many people who may have tried
to write to you while your mail system was malfunctioning.

DO NOT LET TECHNICAL PEOPLE CONVINCE YOU THAT THIS IS NORMAL. It is
never normal for a mail system to claim that a valid, working account
does not exist, just as it would not be normal for the post office to
return some of your mail with "addressee unknown" when the address
was written correctly. It is true that some mail systems are less
reliable than others, and your technical people may be doing the best
they can with the tools they have. But, ultimately, the level of
service that you are receiving is the result of a business decision,
and not something due to a universal technical limitation that one can
only accept. Reliable mail systems do exist, and it is ultimately up to
you to decide whether this level of service is acceptable or not.


* Gmail is on Sir Knob Gobble's blacklist.
** EmailDefenses.Net charges approximately $1/mo./user. $12/yr? Woo! That's too much.
*** Spam Assasin is free